Tragedy

A terrible, terrible accident happened on Monday.

I’m not even sure whether to type this out.

I can hear my hubby (should he read this) “WHY did you write about this????!!!!???”

Guilt. Hope I feel better if I get it off my chest. Therapy. Talking it over with [virtual] friends. I don’t know why……

I hit a dog with my car.

It was a total, complete, unavoidable accident.

It happened while I was driving Little Guy to school. Yes, he was in the car with me. And it happened in front of tennis courts where a bunch of middle schoolers were having gym class.  And they all witnessed it.

I knew of the dog. I would pass the house every day–3 or 4 times a day, depending on the Mom Taxi scenario.  He was a big yellow lab that would be sitting or laying down in his owner’s yard or garden. He always looked content and happy, either watching the kids or the cars. Or maybe he was surveying and enjoying his kingdom (Aspen does that, and get much pleasure out of it). Each day I would look to see if the dog was outside enjoying the day. Seeing him out there would put a smile on my face. I always assumed he was a well-trained lazy old dog who just enjoyed sitting/being in his yard. I’m guessing now that he was always on a long leash.

On Monday morning, he was not on a leash.  For whatever reason, he decided to leave his kingdom and bolt out onto the street. I didn’t see him because he was running on the other side of the yellow forsythia bushes. By the time I did see him, there was no time or opportunity to swerve out of the way. And although I was only driving 20-25 mph, he was too close to have the car stop in time.

I pulled over and just cried. And cried and cried. I didn’t know what to do, and I had to consider Little Guy who was in the car with me. After what seemed like 10 minutes, I gathered the courage to get out of the car. Two other cars had pulled over to take care of the dog and notify the owner.  When I emerged from the car, an older lady came over to see if I was OK. She was the dog’s owner. I noticed a Scottish accent as she tried to comfort me. She took responsibility for not having the dog on his leash. I tried to explain to her that there was nothing I could do. I would *never* hit or hurt a dog or any animal. I explained that I have 2 dogs of my own, and that her dog reminded me of Aspen. I even pointed to my license plate that has a dog reference. 

At that point, I realized I had to take Little Guy to school—also because my other two were at home and needed to get to the bus stop. I asked for her name, the dog’s name, and offered to return later.

At the school, I talked to Little Guy’s teacher about the accident. She told me that she would talk with him, and offer “free hugs” throughout the day.

I returned home–managed to get T&M off to the bus stop in time, as well as deflect any questions as to why I was late returning from Little Guy’s drop off and why I was crying.

I cried all morning. 

I took Aspen and Lily for a walk, but had no joy in it. I tried to play ball with Lily, but I couldn’t get into it. I felt so guilty.

I made scones for the dog’s owner and bought some flowers to take over. The owner (husband) was very appreciative that I had cared enough to return.

Yesterday was a better day. I didn’t cry, but I had a very heavy heart. 

I had trouble driving my car–totally psychological. So hubby and I have switched cars for a couple of days. Each time I drive by the accident scene, I try to recreate the events to see if I could have seen the dog sooner. I still look for the dog in the yard.

I really can’t believe that this happened to me. Why me? I keep asking why my Guardian Angel (who is also a huge animal lover) didn’t prevent the accidnt. My answer is that the dog ran out so fast that not even she could have prevented it. But I have asked her to take care of him up in Heaven. In the meantime, I’m coping. Better. And I keep giving my dogs extra love.